My counseling session on Tuesday was so good. Exhausting, draining, emotional but so good. I needed a long nap when I got home but it was helpful in so many ways. When you go to the right counselor it should be an hour of your life with no judgement and only release. I’m thankful Sara pointed me in the direction of Renee a couple years ago.
Renee always gives me “homework” which is part of what I like about her. Not only does she listen with compassion but she also gives me practical ways to get from here to there. “There” being where I want to be. “There” being a place of peace. “There” being a place where I’m healing. And “there” being a place where I’m continually moving forward.
My homework this time is meditation. Just the word makes me cringe. I’m obviously having lots of anxiety and I’m an anxious person by nature so the idea of clearing my mind is so completely foreign to me. And Renee asked for me to start doing it 3x a day?!?!!?!?? She recognized it would be hard for me and she said my goals is to go 10 seconds of the 10 minutes of meditation with a clear mind. 10 seconds I can totally do 10 seconds!
I downloaded the app she wants me to use yesterday afternoon so last night before bed was my first attempt. I chose the “Anxiety Meditation” series for mornings but figured the “Peaceful Sleep” meditation would be what is appropriate for before bed. I was literally snoring within 10 seconds. Like I woke myself up snoring. So I snuggled back in and started breathing deeply again. And… Snoring! So maybe 10 seconds of clearing my mind without sleeping is going to be an issue at night. I’m guessing that maybe I need to do the sleep meditation sitting up on the couch instead of laying in bed.
I’m off work today so it seemed like the perfect time to get into the routine of my 3 a day meditations. And hopefully do better after sleeping in this morning. I sat cross-legged on the couch and started the session. Again, this one is only 10 minutes. I can do 10 minutes of sitting still and then hopefully 10 seconds a couple different times of clearing my mind. She talked me through breathing deeply at first which seemed easy enough. And then this is how the 10 minutes went: Breathe deeply, think about work, think about how I need to clear my mind, breathe deeply, think about work, think about how I need to clear my mind, breathe deeply, think about surprising Griff with our upcoming trip, think about money, think about how I need to clear my mind, breathe deeply, think about my niece, think about my niece growing up into an amazing woman, think about how I need to clear my mind, breathe deeply, check the time, think about how I need to clear my mind, breathe deeply, crack open my eyes and start rearranging the stuff on our bookshelves, think about how I need to clear my mind, breathe deeply, think about how I’m hungry, think about how I need to clear my mind, breathe deeply… The session is ending with a poem and it’s beautiful. I cry. It’s over. There is a quote at the end you can save to your phone. That was my favorite part of the whole thing!
Whoa… Meditation is hard. For my mid-day meditation I will be focusing on 5 seconds of clearing my mind. Obviously I need to work up to 10 seconds. I literally can’t imagine being able to go 10 minutes. But moving forward and pushing myself to do new things is what this Year of More is all about.
Do you practice meditation? How did you start? Any tips for me?